DU Lands "Dr. Evil" As New Assistant Coach

In what can only be descibed as a major coup, DU Hockey Coach George Gwozdecky has added Derek "Dr. Evil" Lalonde to his coaching staff. Lalonde will take a break from "world domination" to focus on DU goaltenders & defensemen this season.

His contract with DU is being finalized, but his agent, Number Two, is reportedly asking for "One Hundred Billion Dollars."

Lalonde has been cryogenically frozen up at Feris State for the past four seasons when he inadvertantly stepped outside in the brutal Michigan winter to get the morning paper.

As a player, Lalonde received his degree while goaltending at SUNY-Cortland, where he was named team MVP and holds four goaltending records.

Lalonde, famous for his unconventional training techniques, is planning on adding sharks with "frickin' laser beams on their heads" to the DU swimming pool to improve the reflexes of goaltenders Peter Mannino & Glenn Fisher.