(above) You have to break out the magnifing glass (Click on picture to enlarge) to see the word "State" that sent the Sioux Nation...errr...I mean the UND fans into a frenzy this week.Dear Red Baron,
First of all I would like to thank Red Baron Frozen Pizza for being one of the few corporations to support college hockey and the WCHA in particular. If more companies followed your lead, college hockey and the WCHA would be even more successful today.
It has come to my attention that several University of North Dakota hockey fans contacted you due to a minor typographical printer error at the WCHA Playoff Championships otherwise known as the Final Five. Apparently the poster (above) misidentified their team as the larger Division I athletic program at North Dakota State University.
Due to the outcry in Grand Forks, I feel that you should be made aware of several discrepancies in their so-called "boycott." Firstly, most North Dakota hockey fans are on welfare and can't afford premium frozen food products such as your Classic Pizzas or your Deep Dish Pan Style® pizzas. Like you I have come to expect only the best from the Red Baron® brand, however trust me when I say they can't afford it.
I could see how your marketing department might think that Grand Forks could be an important component in the growth of your company due to the small kitchens in many of their trailerhomes, the wood burning stoves they use to stay warm and the frigid climate in North Dakota that is ideal for storing bulk frozen food products outdoors. However by the time they use their government checks for beer, hockey tickets and terminating unwanted pregnancies in their animals there is little money left over for food each week. Unfortunately Food Stamps in North Dakota don't cover such breakfast luxuries as your Ham or Bacon Mini Scrambles™ that come in a convenient size that's easy to prepare.
I also think that its important to note that the University of North Dakota has been sanctioned by the NCAA due to their "hostile and abusive" (their words not mine) logo towards Native Americans. I could see how your company wouldn't want to be associated with such a blatantly racist symbol in this day an age. By using the Final Five poster to support the North Dakota State Bisons, you sent a strong message that racism in any form should not be tolerated.
I'm sure you were as puzzled as I, how so many North Dakota fans had the time to write emails of protest over such a minor typographical printing error. Although most UND fans don't have jobs, they fill their days by going down to the local library and sending death threats to DU hockey parents, finding new ways to pirate cable TV to watch their hockey team when they play Denver, Minnesota and Wisconsin and trying to forge FEMA documents to get new trailers due Katrina victims.
I am sorry that your excellent company has experienced what WCHA followers have known for years, that the "Fighting Sioux" supporters are the most paranoid, myopic fans in the the league.
In closing, thank you again for supporting college hockey and be advised that the fans of the other nine WCHA programs are greatful for your support. I myself will head over to the supermarket this weekend and look for the Red Baron® brand Pizzeria Style™ pizza. The pizza made with a Bake To Rise® crust.
Support Red Baron and buy their products...
Sincerely,
dggoddard - WCHA Hockey Fan
22 comments:
You have carried your momentum over into the off-season. LOL
Glad you like it. Obviously I'm having issues with DU being out of the playoffs and I feel the need to lash out. Hopefully I can get it all out of my system...
you're a fuckin moron you jackass, and most of us are not on welfare. Just because your pathetic and neck breaking team didn't make it, don't take it out on an obviously more superior team
Jenny gets it...
I think we could do with out the F bombs.
On behalf of University of North Dakota fans everywhere, my heart goes out to you. Obviously, you're normally able to mask your feelings of low self esteem and sexual inadequacy by associating yourself with a college hockey team for whom you never played. Is it more the impotence or more the small size of your manhood that drives you to these lengths (pun intended)? Science may never solve that riddle, but let me just say that if it makes you feel better to lash out at the exponentially more successful UND hockey program, you just go ahead and do so. No, it won't help you with the ladies, and it won't help your grammar (Bisons? Do you also go deers hunting?), but if it lets you make it through another night, we're happy to help. I'd love to say more, but sorry, have to go, my team is still in the playoffs and is playing tonight.
I would just like to say that I've spent the last six month collecting food stamps and saving up my welfare checks. Due to this and a coupon I clipped from last Sunday's GF Herald that I stole, I will be able to afford a Deep Dish Pizza. I just hope that I don't have mishaps similair to those that happened when I foolishly attempted to bake a Digiorno's Stuffed Crust Pizza. The end result can only be described as complete catastrophe rivaling that of the sinking of the Lusitania. The preceding story is a recounting of those events.
After following the preparation instructions located on the rear of the pizza box, I could only salivate in anticipation of what was about to occur, my eating of a Pepperoni and Sausage Pizza. Who doesn't love that? (If you raised your hand, you are most likely a terrorist and as your IP address has most likely been recorded when visting this site, I ask dggoddard to report you in violation of the Patriot Act.) Well my anticipation and sheer excitement soon turned to utter and complete horror wshortly after I removed the pizza from the oven. Upon initial inspection the pizza looked well prepared. While it could be and perhaps should have been debated among sort sort of executive committee whether the visible crust and toppings were baked to the correct level, it was certainly within acceptable standards. That is equal to or surpassing that of Pizza Hut, Dominos, Papa Johns. I mean as the commercial says, "It's not delivery, it's Digiornos".
Thus the eating could commence once the pizza was transfered to a plate and cut in anywhere from 6-12 slices with 8 being what some, nay most would say the optimum and therefore likely number. But alas a problem occured. While the top crust and toppings looked downrigh delectable, the bottom crust was a different matter altogether. Doughy crust being stuck to the previous mentioned cardboard. What had I done? No reason to panic I told myself. But I didn't believe me because I lie alot. I told myself this and after engaging in a short but spirit argument with myself indeed did panic. The pizza had been ruined. Sad day it was indeed.
So while you people may want to support Red Baron, I just ask you to remain careful and ever vigilant for you never know when a piece of cardboard will ruin your pizza.
Dirty --- this is the funniest post I have ever read ---- LOL , really you should really consider your very own blog ! Funny stuff....but ..... I really hope you were INTENDING this to be humorous .... cause it is ! We will soon be calling you
"The Emeril of Grand Forks "
My problem with all this is that Red Baron pizza is a 'hostile and abusive' trademark for all German veterans of WWI, of which I'm a blood descendant.
I think their logos should be covered on all pizza boxes in the Xcel next year, and all references should be made changed to 'Schwan's Frozen Italian semi-good pizza-like items'
But keep the North Dakota State reference.... Fargo is an upgrade on Grand Forks anyway, and I'm sure the State of North Dakota would rather promote that school anyway;-)
AspenLake.
goddard, Dirty... either of you two wanna write for my blog? This is some GOOD STUFF I just read. Nice job outta both'a yas! Just outstanding. I might even have to take my blog down... because it's pathetic next to this good stuff.
I love Matt Carle, but he just got beat big time by Ralston, who just scored.
Matt redeemed himself though with his first NHL goal! :)
Good to see you PO'd a couple of ND fans, welcome to the club. Classic stuff and Dirty responded with a comical classic. I agree with ChickMagness that Dirty should indeed be referred to as the "Emeril of North Dakota", but needs to exclaim, "SPAM" on his finishing touches to his dishes.
Jenny, go get your check. Paukovich rules.
You DU fans are so lucky, you can just kick back with a tasty Red Baron pizza and lazily wonder if you'll suck as badly next year as you did this. Meanwhile, we UND fans have lots to do making travel arrangements to get to the Frozen Four, again. Must be great to be you.
Glad your offseason got started early for you to produce such gems.
Too bad you actually have the facts reversed. Adjusting the median household income in GF ($34,194) for Denver's higher cost of living yields $45,317 (meaning earning $34,194 in GF is equivalent to $45,317 in Dever). Since the median household income in Denver is $39,500, I would guess that city has a lower % of residents who can actually afford the incredible red baron's products.
http://www.epodunk.com/cgi-bin/incomeOverview.php?locIndex=9430
http://www.bestplaces.net/col/
that's fine that you're happy that you pissed off a couple sioux fans... but umm i have better things to do like preparing my frozen four party... but you wouldn't know about that because oh yeah DU didn't even make the playoffs or the WCHA final 5..well you ponder on your season, ours is still going.muuuuhahahahahahaha
wow, way to go jenny, way to be original...it took you quite a while to come up with that quip about getting ready for the frozen four...oh wait, you didn't come up with it...yet another example of an ordinary sioux fan's level of education...
This is too funny!
Nice job, goddard. =) I wanna try to stir up some people on my blog too! Looks like fun. =D
well I was going to use bigger more complex words, but was forced to delete them and write them in terms the DU fans could understand. Maybe you could read what I was actually going to write as soon as you reach a third grade reading level.
God I love this story.
I plan on having my butler fire up the oven and eating a ton of Red Baron pizza to help support Red Baron and negate the boycott from the pathetic collar down fans of North Dagoata. If the poster had a swastika on it, fans of Uncle Ralphie's boys wouldn't have had a problem with it, I'm sure.
That being said, your superiors at Pinhead Nation would like to express how excited we are to be travelling to college hockey's greatest event next week and talk hockey with Denver fans, the most collar up fans West of the Mississippi.
Don't worry about Jenny- go swastikas, she's too busy packing for her trip. Hopefully she remembers to pack her tooth brush (would be a shame not to be able to brush that one tooth of yours, huh jenny?), her spitoon (chewing tobacco is frowned upon in Milwaukee, Jenny), and her razor (apparently she wants to shave her beard and mustache off. Jenny, didn't you hear that you're supposed to keep growing your facial hair during playoff hockey?). Not to mention she has to go shopping for reading material during her trip. After all, there's no point in bringing her dictionary; she already has "bigger more complex words" like "fuckin" and "jackass" down cold. So she'll probably be looking in the periodicals section at the Grand Forks Barnes and Noble for magazines like "Sandbagging Monthly." But again, have some sympathy for the white trash in southern Canada (it might as well be, jenny). She's a little excited and can't contain herself when the possibility of getting on a plane leaving for "somewhere better than here" as listed on the departures monitors in the terminals in the Grand Forks airport.
Lastly, I want to thank the person that commented on this blog with statistics of median household income for Grand Forks. I have rarely chortled at such a pathetic statistic in my life. That's some good stuff.
Let's all hope the Boston College Eagles put a whipping on Uncle Ralphie's Boys in Milwaukee. Let's Go Eagles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Collar Up!
Collar Up...
Dear Jenny,
Hope you liked watching BC dismantle your Fighting Sue on Thursday. It was enjoyable to watch for us, that's for sure.
Must have been a devastating day or two for you all. First BC makes your team look like a bunch of asses, then you have to get on a plane and go back to North Dagoata. Oh the horror! I mean, I could deal with my team losing, but going back HOME to Dagoata. Awful! That's known as cruel and unusual punishment in 38 states.
Well, time to go, the Red Baron pizza I'm having for supper is ready!
Sincerely,
Pinhead Nation
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