What If Coombe Daddy Was NFL Commissioner?

(above) Presiding over DU is small potatoes, Coombe Daddy has bigger plans
Last month University of Denver Chancellor Robert Coombe initiated a student/faculty task force charged with developing a new mascot/logo for the university.  The trick was rigging the task force with muppets who were so biased that "Western imagery resembling a Pioneer" would never be considered.  The Task Force was formed, and the Official DU ox/astronaut/elk/miner T-shirts are on the way to a DU Bookstore near you.

That got us thinking; What is Coombe Daddy's end game?  Clearly he's got bigger fish to fry.  Why not leave DU's meddlesome alumni and drunk students behind [or is it drunk alumni and meddlesome students?] and move to a job that would spread his multi-cultural agenda to the masses. 

NFL Commissioner would look great on the old resume.  Great pay, travel by private jet and tons of power.  Coombe Daddy can't stop dabbling in DU's mascots and logos, so the first order of business would be to shape the NFL to fit his world-view.

League Action Plan
by NFL Commissioner Dr. Robert Coombe-Daddy
A student and faculty “task force” formed by student Will Guy and led by Student Body President Sam Estenson has also begun to examine the possibility of instituting a new, official university mascot by next year. - See more at: http://duclarion.com/front-page-boone-story/#sthash.1anXqfQI.dpuf
A student and faculty “task force” formed by student Will Guy and led by Student Body President Sam Estenson has also begun to examine the possibility of instituting a new, official university mascot by next year. - See more at: http://duclarion.com/front-page-boone-story/#sthash.1anXqfQI.dpuf
A student and faculty “task force” formed by student Will Guy and led by Student Body President Sam Estenson has also begun to examine the possibility of instituting a new, official university mascot by next year. - See more at: http://duclarion.com/front-page-boone-story/#sthash.1anXqfQI.dpuf
A student and faculty “task force” formed by student Will Guy and led by Student Body President Sam Estenson has also begun to examine the possibility of instituting a new, official university mascot by next year. - See more at: http://duclarion.com/front-page-boone-story/#sthash.1anXqfQI.dpuf

Arizona Cardinals: Racist Catholic Cardinals killed Native Americans. Change nickname

Atlanta Falcons: Coombe banned Gone With The Wind & millions of other racist books from fancy new DU Library.  Burn Atlanta Burn

Baltimore Ravens: Ray Lewis killed racists outside nightclub. No name change

Buffalo Bills: U.S. Soldiers slaughtered buffaloes to kill Native Americans, Racist. Move team to Jamaica

Carolina Panthers: South lost the Civil War --- Fricking Racists. Move team to Colorado Springs

Chicago Bears: Racist Black Bears don't like Brown Bears. Change name

Cincinnati Bengals: Cincinnati sucks [both team & city]. Move team to Aspen & hire Nick Saben

Cleveland Browns: Guns are brown, guns killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name

Dallas Cowboys: Cowboys killed Native Americans, Racist. Convert stadium to world's biggest Opera House for Coombe's elitist buddies

Denver Broncos: Coombe loves the Peyton Manning. No name change

Detroit Lions: Cars built in Detroit run over Native Americans. Move team to Vail so ├╝ber rich DU students can go to games on weekends

Green Bay Packers: Packing company employees are Racists. Change name

Houston Texans: Too many Texans are moving to Colorado, Racists. Change name

Indianapolis Colts: Horses killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name

Jacksonville Jaguars: Lynyrd Skynard was from Jacksonville, wrote racist songs. Move team

Kansas City Chiefs: Chiefs is a slur of Native Americans --- KC is a shithole, move team

Miami Dolphins: Dolphins are killed catching tuna --- Coombe loves tuna.
 No name change

MN. Vikings: Vikings killed ancestors of people who killed Native Americans.
 No name change

New England Patriots: Patriots are racists. Change name

New Orleans Saints: Racist Catholics killed Native Americans. Change name

New York Giants: Coombe is a midget, Racist. Change name


New York Jets: Terrorists killed people using planes, Racist. Change name

Oakland Raiders: Raiders fans bought The Border and changed the name. Move team to LA, change Merchants Mile High Saloon back to The Border & kick all Raiders fans out of Colorado.

Philadelphia Eagles: Eagles fans booed & threw snowballs at Santa Claus. Santa is racist. No name change

Pittsburgh Steelers: Steel bullets killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name

San Diego Chargers: Electricity killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name


San Francisco 49ers: Gold miners killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name

Seattle Seahawks: Coombe Daddy loves Starbucks in the morning, but he'll likely spit his Tall Nonfat Latte on the keyboard when he reads this. No name change

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Pirates killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name


Tennessee Titans: Tall people killed Native Americans, Racist. Change name

Washington Redskins: Name is a slur of Native Americans, Racist. Change name

1 comment:

dggoddard said...

Coombe's New NFL Team Names

Aspen Moguls - refers either to ski bumps or rich people

Jamaican Rastas - Backup name Jamaican Patties. Black helmet with green marijuana leaf logo would lead the NFL in merchandise salesin no time.

Colorado Springs Teens - Team fight song "Born In The USA" by BRUCE.

Vail Condors - Condos for short. Who doesn't want a Vail Condo?