Monday, February 20, 2006

(above) Good looking American Uni's, with optional cape

(above) Lousy Uni's make the USA look like a Second-Rate hockey power

Whats Up With Team USA

Team USA is off to a 1-3-1 start in Torino. After a tie with Lativa, the first question must be, "Why is the Head Coach still in Italy?" Any self-respecting National Program fires the coach after such a crappy start. He should be flown home in economy class between two overweight American Tourists. Brazil goes through about five coaches during its pilgrimage to the Soccer (er, football) World Cup.

Next question concerns the uniforms. When the National Team looks like a poorly dressed high school track team, you just can't get that "warm and fuzzy" feeling you get watching "Miracle" for the 33rd time. Didn't we learn anything from Herb Brooks? Adding insult to injury the uniform manufacturer in question, a Fortune 500 company based in Oregon, routinely uses Asian Sweatshops instead of employing overpaid, lazy American workers. If Herbie was giving the speech today it would be, "The Swoosh on the uni is more important than the name on the back."

If there is blame to be shared for the "Torino Tumble" I blame myself for having high expectations going into the Olympics. But when the average salary for the US team member is well over a million dollars and their opponents get paid in fish, audio equipment and animal pelts, the expectation is that the boys will bring home a medal.

Here's a simple rule of thumb...Team USA should not be losing or tying countries that are:

a). less than 10 years old.
b). the average age of their Zamboni's are older than the country
c). the Zamboni's in question are made out of surplus military parts
d). any country that has had a civil war in the last 5 years
e). within range of our Cruise Missiles

What's with every European Country having a team? I thought they all combined into one country called the Euros. They get to pound us over the head with economic sanctions and then split up every four years during the Olympics. This is costing the USA a lot of Silver Medals.

Is it too much to ask that we should expect a little more for the $50 trillion in rights fees that the US networks are paying to underwrite the Olympics for the rest of the world to enjoy? For that kind of money the USA should get a bye to the medal round of every sport. Otherwise, the foreigners should be forced to watch the horrible ads that make it all possible. If I see one more Chevy Tahoe ad or even worse Ice Dancing, I think I'm going to throw up.

USA Hockey needs to take a cue from the US Military. Only schedule countries that you know you can pound into the ground such as Grenada, Panama, Spain via Cuba (remember the Maine?), England when they're busy with Napoleon and Iraq twice. OK "Iraq II" is not a dominating victory, but its better than tying Latvia in hockey.

If the USA doesn't medal here, perhaps a better solution would be adding ice hockey to the Pan American games and not invite Canada. We need a Gold Medal to get our mojo back...


Goon said...

Actually, USA is 1-2-1 in men's hockey, they play tomorrow against team russia. I think they can beat them if they keep buzzing the net and play good team defense. They will have to shut down Malkin and Ovechkin if they want to win.

Anonymous said...

I doubt USA will beat Russia. They also would have to shut down Kovalchuk, 4G in his last game. I think Russia will have too much offensive power for USA.

dggoddard said...

I guess I chalked Russia up as a "L". I leave it at 1-3-1 until,the boys prove me wrong.


Goon said...

Now their record is 1-3-1 not very good if you ask me. USA needs to start developing a team for the next olympics.

dggoddard said...

1-3-1 with Finland on deck. Funny if the team is able to pull itself out of this mess. It really was always eight team tournament with a 5 game exhibition season. It would be just like the NHLer's to put in the absolute minimum effort before punching the accelorator.

Of course this is the league that brought you the longest stike in sports history, so if anyone can kill the sport of hockey in the United States, these guys are more than qualified.

Goon said...

Canada and the USA are now out of the olympics. Both teams went down without hardly a wimper. I am disapointed to say the least

dggoddard said...

Sometimes when the National Program goes down the toilet its a good idea to hire a foreigner to come in clean house and get rid of the politics. This is what England did in Soccer and its pretty standard operating procedure.

Goon said...

I am actually more depressed today than I was in 2002 when the USA got second. The tops teams that I like didn't show up. I love USA hockey but they are just depressing. I think its time to go with a younger crowd of players in the olympics.

dggoddard said...

Some of the things that came out after the game are pretty indicitive of the problems. A coach that only started coaching 10 minutes into the game, not a week ago. Benching the captain halfway through the game, having volunteers instead of professionals organizing the entire effort, like you said having 40+ year old player(s), no goalie rotation, and I'm sure tons of other stuff. The USA is a maked team in international competitions that everybody wants to beat. You just can't afford off nights or less than 100% effort.

Anonymous said...

Not to mention that the US team isn't nearly as talented...