(above) DU's Homecoming floats looked nothing like this
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DU Parents & Homecoming Weekend Recap...

Friday
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5:00 PM - Plane lands in Denver.
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6:00 PM - (Driving to DU) I have to stop by Kinko's on my way to Spanky's (hamburger joint near DU). I purchased a Friday Night hockey ticket online earlier in the day at work. Ticketmaster said they would email it to me "later" and guess what? There's no hockey ticket in my email account. This is going to be an interesting evening.

6:15 PM - "Spanky's Gang" is in rare form by the time I arrive. There are at least 20 empty beer bottles on a large table and they are ordering "shots" like they are going out of style. Peer pressure is a dangerous weapon.
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6:45 PM - More shots, more beers at Spanky's. Some RPI fans stop by our table for a chat. They read "LetsGoDU.com" so we don't roll them in the alley behind Spanky's and take their cash.
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7 PM - A classmate of mine shows up and says he has an extra ticket. They were "comped" and we're sitting in DU's swanky Gold Club.
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7:15 PM - The DU Gold Club at Magness Arena is a "restricted section" with 600 seats or so, plus a bar, tables and chairs. There's a free buffet for each game and lots of smoozing. I'm the only clown wearing a DU Hockey Jersey (in other words I'm the worst dressed person there). I think I'll order a Scotch or two...
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7:30 PM - We're 20 minutes late for the game. DU scores on RPI as soon as we arrive.
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8:00 PM - Standing behind the last row of seats in the Gold Club is my favorite place in Magness Arena to watch a game. Close to the bar, easy access to the bathrooms, lots of conversations with "Frozen Four Friends" and best of all, interesting "people watching."
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9:30 PM - Oh yeah, there's a hockey game going on. Sometimes in Magness you forget because the crowd is so quiet. For the third week in a row, one of Gwoz's smartass former assistants is hanging a loss on the Master. This is unbearable. DU is playing like crap, and I'm picturing the West Regional at the Pepsi Center with 50 fans in March (tickets available from Ticketmaster, but don't trust the email option).
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10 PM - DU loses 2-1. Well, its off to the Border. Perhaps this night can be salvaged. Shots, shots, more shots...What hockey game? Hey, it works.
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Dubbie31, the only person in the bar not drinking, is my ride to the hotel, so I keep between him and the door as the "bewitching hour" approaches.
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2 AM -Sometime between 10 PM & 2 AM three inches of snow falls on the ground. Back at the hotel and my bags and computer are still in the rental car near Spanky's....
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Saturday
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10 AM - Like a moron I agreed with Puck Swami to attend the "Chancellor's Alumni Brunch" in DU's new "Hotel, Restaurant & Tourism Management Building" on campus. I've just caught a taxi back to DU and to be honest, I'm not feeling so great. Puck Swami calls my cell phone. I'm not sure why, but a Brunch with lots of B.S. and speeches triggers a violent vomiting attack. Not sure if Swami has ever heard anyone puke over the phone before, but my hand over the speaker apparently doesn't muffle the performance.
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Puck Swami - "We on?....Err....Are you OK?"
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dg - "Sure" I say, hoping he can't or won't make it (I'm thinking that I'd give a thousand dollars just to blow the whole thing off and go back to bed).
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Puck Swami -"I'll be at DU in 20 minutes." (More puking)
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11 AM - Brunch actually goes pretty well. Somehow I hold myself together and by not eating the food, manage not to throw up while the Chancellor explains that Tuition is "only going up by 6% a year, the faculty need to be paid more" and fields questions from the alums. I want to ask what he's going to do about the hockey team that's LOST TWO STRAIGHT GAMES!!!
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Noon - A group of us stroll around campus hitting the sights with some other Alums we've just met. I take them on a tour of the Kappa Sigma House that was rebuilt last year. A lot of the Actives know my name, and its like the scene in "Old School" when everyone calls Mitch the "Godfather." Its kind of embarassing.
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1 PM - We watch a little lacrosse in the new stadium. Its a glorious day and the weather is perfect.
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2 PM - We pop into a local institution, Mustard's Hot Dog Stand for a Coke. You know who, is behind the counter. He "comps" the drinks. Its good to be the Godfather.
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The "DU Homecoming Parade" begins. The floats are crappy and if I was a parent shelling out 40 grand per year, I'd be like "WTF." Lets put it this way, the parade in Animal House is classier. The good news is that the "parade" lasts five minutes, which is perfect. Time to get some sleep before the evening festivities.
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5 PM - "Taste of DU - Experience DU! Taste samples from restaurants owned by DU alumni as well as other local favorites."- This is how the event was marketed to the Parents and Alumni.
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Here's how it really goes down. The food lines are longggggggg. There's over a thousand alumni and parents in the DU Fieldhouse before the hockey game. You wait in line for 20 minutes to sample each food booth, while everyone complains about the lines (say what you will, but its a great way to meet people). The DU Pep Band plays several songs and they do a terrific job. After each song...Nobody claps or applauds. There's over a thousand people there and nobody applauds. Tough crowd.
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7 PM - DU and RPI's Hockey Teams are on the ice for pre-game introductions. DU's Intro Video comes on with all the past National Championships, dramtic music and flashing lights. Its very impressive.
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7:05 PM - The Lamont School of Music Men's Choir sings the National Anthem. They are unbelievably good. In fact they are better at singing than DU Hockey is on the Power Play.
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7:10 PM - One of my Kappa Sig buddies points out that lots of DU mothers and daughters are attending the game. He mentions that the "Moms are looking pretty good." Note to Self: Next year hit the "DU Parents Mixer" instead of the Border....
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7:30 PM - The DU Pep Band is doing a fantastic job. They will only play at one other hockey game this year. Why? Don't ask. Anyway, they are great.
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8:30 PM - The game is dragging on tied 1-1, when Andy Thomas scores on a wicked slap shot from the Blue Line on the Power Play. Its his second goal of the young season. Perhaps the DU Players' Moms should be coaching the team instead of Gwoz...I distinctly remember a Defenseman's Mom saying, "Thomas should be on the Power Play" last season...
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8:31 PM - DU's Student Section needs to work on the "Sieve Chant." Its really weak. Note to DU Student Section: Need to find Miami of Ohio's or Wisconsin's "Sieve Chant" on YouTube.
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8:35 PM - Now the rout is on (a day late and a dollar short). The Students finally get their act together and start viciously slandering the RPI goaltender. I didn't know the opposing goaltender was gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but all our students seem to know about it and they have some unusual songs to announce it to the other 6,200 Alumni, family and friends in the Arena. The "Crimson Creatures" stay on the goalie throughout the Third Period and he gives up progressively softer goals. Ruegsegger nails a beautiful goal from an impossible angle (Think Junior Lessard's first goal against DU in the Frozen Four Semi-Final in 2004).
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8:40 PM - The next "student cheer" is a classic.
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"Gimme a V" - "V"
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"Gimme a I" - "I"
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"Gimme a A" - "A"
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"Gimme a G" - "G"
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"Gimme a R" - "R"
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"Gimme a A" - "A"
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"Whats that spell?" - "VIAGRA"
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"Whats that mean?" - "KEEP IT UP"
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The DU parents must finally understand what their 40 Grand a year is getting. Gems like that...Seriously I love cheers like that.
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9:30 PM - DU wins 5-1. There's been a big improvement since DU opened the Season in Ohio. Now if we can just get our upperclassmen to score some goals (sigh).
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9:35 PM - I go over to the DU Pep Band to congratulate a few of them on a job well done. There's no question that they improved the atmosphere at the game by 200% over Friday night when they didn't perform.
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10 PM - I'm done. I throw in the towel and head back to the hotel a beaten man. Good thing Homecoming only occurs once a year...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL, my eyes are tearing. Shots will kill ya. Great summary of the weekend.

Anonymous said...

Hearing you retching over the phone was a fabulous way to start my day! Great to see you again...

Anonymous said...

Somebody came up with the VIAGRA cheer at the exhibition game. It's one of the better ones.