DU Welcomes UND Hockey Fans With Open Arms

University of North Dakota hockey fans traveling to Magness Arena this weekend are reminded of several polices on the campus of the University of Denver.

The University of Denver's Sustainability Council has endorsed a ban on plastic water bottles.  Low-class water like Aquafina, Dasani and Arrowhead have been determined to be the cause of global warming.  Tailgaters are encouraged to use Perrier and San Pellegrino in glass bottles.  The plastic water bottle ban must be working, because since the edict was issued, Denver has had a record snowfall and global warming has been downgraded to climate change.
Magness Arena's new state-of-the-art transgender bathrooms are the envy of the college hockey community.  The University of Denver takes tremendous pride in its diversity and inclusiveness.  Fans are reminded that these bathrooms can have long lines between periods, so plan your restroom breaks accordingly.

The University of Denver became the first major university in Colorado to become smoke free in 2010.  Fans possessing cigarettes, pipes, cigars or any "smoke products" entering Magness Arena will have said items confiscated. Confiscated products will be donated to local orphanages.

Fans planning to bring Chronic, blunts or Ganja to the game are encouraged to abide by Colorado's marijuana laws.  North Dakota fans are reminded to carry documentation from a Colorado based physician affirming that he or she suffers from a debilitating condition and advising that they "might benefit from the medical use of marijuana."  Designated marijuana smoking areas around the Ritchie Center vary by event, so check with Magness ushers or security staff before going outside to spark up. 

UND fans are requested to not openly display the Fighting Sioux logo in Magness Arena.  University of Denver faculty are easily offended. Logos depicting Native Americans run counter to DU's commitment to build a diverse and inclusive campus community as a fundamental element of excellence.

Have fun this weekend at Magness Arena, spend lots of money while visiting Colorado and remember after the games; GO HOME TO NORTH DAKOTA.

17 comments:

miller said...

Is there any way Border Patrol agents could be positioned to keep the sioux fans from entering the state? I am concerned that the collective IQ of the state will drop a minimum of 30 points if they are allowed entrance.

Anonymous said...

The jealousy contiues...

Anonymous said...

continues..

Anonymous said...

Is it true that there will be a "kelly green out" this weekend?

miller said...

Oh yeah the jealousy. We all want to move to Grand Forks, buy that double wide we have always dreamed about. Where do we sign up!!!

Goon said...

Wow, Miller is cracking himself up today. :) You guys realize there are a bunch of UND fans that live in Denver.

Anonymous said...

Miller suffers from the same problem that his buddy Old Pio does.

Chronic constipation combined with accute dementia.

It's obvious in his posts. He uses the SAME material every year during the ND series.

Prunes my friend, prunes.

achsdu17 said...

What jealousy... Three of those National Title banners in our arena are from wiping the ice with those D-Bags up north.

UND fan in Bonnie Brae said...

Great article!! Should be a fun weekend. I'm going to respect the DU faculty and wear my black sioux jersey.

Anonymous said...

Goon, the UND fans living in Denver - believe it or not, are the halfway intelligent ones. They had the sense and determination to get out of the hell hole city.... so we welcome them. Truth be told, history shows that they only wear their green when UND is in town.

For you Sioux fans looking to do some shopping here...although difficult - please try not to confuse the YMCA's with MACY's.
And the hot, blinding light you'll see above you, is called sunshine.

old pio said...

You know, Miller and I really should stick up for "Anonymous" here. He changes our diapers. Uses our old suppositories as lozenges. And provides other, uh, services. And do we show him the respect he deserves? Do we tip him generously during "Winter Holiday" time? No. Can you blame him for being a little bitter?

Anonymous said...

I'm heading to Denver from Nodak for the big game.......anyone know where a lad can find a good fried possum dinner garnished with squirrel testicles?

Anonymous said...

Anon at 8:54. Any restaurant around campus will serve what you are looking for. They don't have fine restaurants like The Pepper.

Anonymous said...

GO SIOUX! Beat the brats!

Anonymous said...

Isn't Wisconsin known for their brats? And cheese too I guess.

Anonymous said...

had to laugh when i saw that DU's Boone had a little controversy... maybe you'll join the sioux and not be able to play the goofs or the badgers next year because you are too controversial!!

dubbie31 said...

I'm wondering if DU is banning togas too??? Was possibly bringing it out for one last match!